twenty things i really love.

  • Crate and Barrel Customer Service.
    • They are shipping my table separately and sooner than my backordered chairs for free (instead of forcing me to pay the $150 shipping fee). They have also just refunded me $100, since I looked at said table on their website today and found it $100 on sale to what I paid when I ordered it.
  • Starbucks Breakfast Blend.
  • Glee.
    • Like A Virgin.
    • Like A Prayer- the goosebumps haven’t gone away yet.
  • Army Wives.
  • Blueberry Eggo Waffles.
  • Boars Head Sharp Cheddar Sliced Thin.
  • Online Shopping.
    • Doormat, sheer curtain, dry erase board calendar, bookends, eyeliner.
  • Edamame.
  • Puppies Who Obey Me And Don’t Pee On The Floor. 
    • own do not own this puppy.
  • Flat Rate Priority Shipping On Packages To Iraq.
    • $12.50
  • Websites That Ship Directly To APOs.
    • drugstore.com
    • amazon.com
  • Emails From Iraq First Thing In The Morning.
  • Vera Bradley Lunch Bags.
  • Pickles.
  • Starbucks Iced Venti Sweetened Passionfruit Tea.
  • Getting Mail.
  • My Family and Friends Who Visit Me.
  • John Mayer At Red Rocks In September.
  • My 24th Birthday.
    • April 28th.
  • Andrew.

thinking the worst first.

Andrew finally made it to the JSS, after 3 1/2 weeks in Kuwait. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Kuwait- mainly because I never felt like I had to worry about his safety. I also got pretty consistent communication from him while he was there. But I am kinda glad that the anticipation of him going to Iraq is over. I’m also really glad that all of his traveling is finished.

Due to crappy weather, instead of going to the JSS in helicopters they went in a convoy on the ground. To me, that meant much more of a chance of IEDs and ambushes. What a surreal reality-for Andy to be in that kind of potential danger and for me to be thinking about him being in that kind of potential danger. When I woke up the morning after they had travelled, I hadn’t heard anything yet from him. I didn’t hear for almost a day and a half. The following morning, when I was getting into my car to go to work, I had a thought I’ve never had before…”I’m really lucky the casualty officers didn’t come and ring my doorbell this morning.” …I don’t hear from my husband for a little while, and I let myself think the worst. Every scenario. He could have been blown up. Someone in his company could have been blown up, and there’s a communication freeze. 
What would I do if they rang my doorbell at 5AM? I’d be in bed. I think I’d look out my window, pulling up one blind to see an unmarked car. And then I picture myself freezing. Just sitting down on my floor with my back to the wall. I have a feeling I would sit there for a while. Because you already know. You wouldn’t need someone to tell you. I always refer to that moment as the worst thing that could ever happen. That sickening moment of solitude, when you know you are going to be alone for the rest of your life. That you just lost your best friend to something he believed in, something he knew he might die for, something he must have somewhere deep down been okay with dying for. 
I thought about this on my drive to work. And then I got to work, got out of my car and went on with my day. But I have a feeling these thoughts are going to be hanging around for a while. I have a feeling they’re probably even going to get worse. Like when the doorbell rings, and I’m not expecting anyone… I think I’ll begin to always think the worst first.
I obviously have heard from Andy. He is at the JSS. He hasn’t been able to move into his plywood room yet, because the platoon leaders his company is replacing hasn’t left yet. So he is just kinda displaced for a while. I felt bad, but he said the JSS is nicer than he first thought it would be. So I don’t feel terrible. 
He actually had me pretty amazed today, telling me about make-shift urinals there. PVC pipes that are built into a wall and go directly outside into a moat. A moat of pee. I told Andy not to touch them with his you know what because he might pick up syphilis or something. That made him laugh. Apparently my first thought of how it works was not right. It’s a foot wide PVC pipe that you just sort of aim and shoot into. I hope no one stands on the outside of that building. It seems like a way to play a dirty trick. Like all of a sudden you see someones face at the bottom of the pipe screaming at you or laughing. But at least then you could just pee on their face.
It’s better for me to think of urinals at the JSS, then about missions Andy might go on. I don’t really like the idea of missions. At least when you go on a mission you go, accomplish something and return. It’s not open ended or anything. Still though. I always come back to the potential danger.
I think this is all part of it. So long as you don’t let the worst thoughts overtake you, you’re okay. So I’m okay. Lily is biting me a lot tonight and her breath kinda stinks, but I’m okay.

cupcake of a night.

So after a crazy day at work, I was ready to unwind somewhat. I was having dinner over at my friend Mayela’s.  But first I had a few stops.

First I went to Jackson Hewitt to present them with yet another problem with my NY State Tax Return…some how the military spouse act is NOT working properly for us…which is pretty annoying and adds just one more thing for me to think about each day. After them “not being able to assist me tonight, in order to seek help from higher up…”

I left and went to Best Buy to pick up a refund and to exchange our Bluray player. I got the new kid. The one who didn’t know what was going on. He was able to pull up my receipt on the computer- and told me to go choose a new machine. I chose an LG that some salesperson named Giuseppe highly recommended. As soon as I brought it to the desk, new kid says to me “Well since your return is after 30 days we can’t take it back, actually.” Actually? Well, actually, this piece of shit you sold me doesn’t work… regardless of the time frame. It’s not like I stuffed a piece of bread in there and pressed play. I put in bluray and dvd discs… So I’d prefer you just make the exchange for me, since I’ve spent literally thousands of dollars in your store in the last 4 months. Well they’d prefer I take it to Geek Squad and be without a player for a month or something. Do I have another choice? No. So I leave my $200 machine with the morons who sold it to me. Hopefully they will give me back something that works with discs. I don’t need a new toaster.

I then went to Walgreens where they no longer sell Physicians Formula makeup. And finally made it to Mayela’s. We had a nice night and it was nice to catch up with her. I left her house at about ten- and I asked her the fastest route home. I could make my way back to the interstate or take the back roads which “may be a little unsafe this time of night. “

I took the back roads. I made it all the way to the street where I work, and, after passing 3 cop cars, I knew  I needed to keep my for some reason scared unsafe-drive-induced speeding in check. But I was on a road I drive every day too and from work, and as I came over the top of a hill I put my foot on the gas instead of the break and was quickly met with flashing lights in my rear view mirror. I knew it was for me and pulled over quickly. The officer parked that spotlight right in my side mirror so it flashed in my eyes. “Hi, I pulled you over because you were speeding tonight.” ‘I know.” ::shields her eyes:: “Oh sorry I’ll stand in front of it to block it.” ‘I was speeding because my friend told me this way home wasn’t safe so I was scared and speeding to get back to Fort Carson.’ “Speeding because you were scared.” ‘Yes. Sorry.’ “You were going 49 in a 35.” ::thinks to herself- that’s not even speeding:: ‘I know, I’m sorry.’ “Do you have proof of insurance for this car?” ‘Yes I do.’ ::rummage rummage rummage:: ‘What does proof of insurance look like? A paper or a card?’ ::wow:: “It could be either one. That’s it! …okay you’re good. I’m gonna reduce the ticket for you.” ::she shrugs, then waits, then starts to cry, then holds a pity party, then wipes her tears:: “Okay I put you down for 44 in a 35 so you don’t get 6 points on your license. You just get one point and the fine is $105. Here is how you come to court…” ‘It’s okay I’ll just pay it.’ “Well sometimes points can increase your insurance so you might want to come and get it brought down to a moving violation.” ‘Okay well. Okay thanks.’ “Hey – slow down for me okay? If nothing else, I saved you from hitting any deer tonight.” ….I got a nice cop? I pulled back out making sure to signal and stay under the speed limit. I even pass another cop pulling someone over. They must be on a ticketing spree tonight.

Then as I’m pulling up to Fort Carson getting into the turn lane… I hit a deer.

…. no I didn’t, but that would have been the icing on this cupcake of a night, right?

I love my husband being deployed, just as much as I loved tonight.