christmas with the cranks.

Over the weekend, Christmas arrived at the Wilhelm house. We cranked up the holiday tunes (that we’ve been closet-listening to since October), pulled out our boxes and inhaled the vanilla and cinnamon scents wafting from within them- our long-forgotten Christmas candles and soaps. Turns out, we don’t have nearly as many decorations as I once thought. As Andy put it, “If I look over at that wall, I’d never even know it was Christmas!” But if we put the tree on that wall, it’d make up for the lack of decorations!

We had big plans for our first tree as a family; we’ve never had our own tree in the eight years we’ve been together. So late Saturday afternoon, we set out to a local tree farm. Cut your own! I was excited. All of the live trees we’d ever brought home as a kid came from the tree sale at our church- pre-cut, pre-packaged and ready to be strapped onto the roof of your car, in all its sticky, needley glory. What we found at the farm was a disappointment, to say the least. Bushes. Rows and rows of bushes. Like the ones you’d find in front of your grandparents’ house. And some glorified Charlie Brown twigs. I don’t know if it’s some weird Southern thing (sorry, The South), but these were not trees. They were shrubs. We walked back through the hedge rows bewildered. Where were the Frasiers, the Douglases and the Nobles? The latter were nowhere to be found. The Frasiers were in the exclusive, fenced-in area around the barn. They had been brought down from the mountain, earning them their fancy $100+ price tags.”Where I come from, you go into the forest and cut down a tree that will fit into your house! You pay $5 to the person who owns the land! $100!? We’re leaving,” my handsome Oregonion lumberjack snapped. I’d follow him anywhere.

Okay, so we don’t have a tree, but we do have lights! One of my favorite parts of the holiday season! Andrew’s least favorite. “You have this big idea of  how you want it to look, and then you want me to be the one to make it happen?” Yes, that sounds about right. Here’s how our lights turned out:

shoddy christmas lights

This looks terrible, in case you were confused. A total mess. We are an embarrassment to ourselves and to our neighborhood.

Here’s how they looked Monday morning:

falling down Christmas lights

What is wrong with us?

To recap: We don’t have decorations, we don’t have a tree and we don’t have lights.

Merry Christmas!
The Cranks.




  1. […] a tree out of green felt (make sure it resembles a good tree and not a Christmas bush). I used my rotary cutter to get straight “branches,” but scissors would work just as […]

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