it is what it is & one day at a time.

Today is Saturday, and Andrew left for Iraq on Thursday. That makes this day two of deployment. Less than a year until he comes home to me.

So far things are just okay.

The day he left was impossible.  I felt like I didn’t have enough time to say goodbye. They marched out of our everyday lives for a year. My heart felt empty. I cried most of the afternoon and night. It was the horrible. And my puppy who has been biting like crazy didn’t help. When she cried I cried. I sat on the kitchen floor with her and I remember thinking “This is the worst day of my life.” I did get a few texts and even phone calls from Andy that day, which was great but again–waterworks every time we hung up.
Work and the puppy kept me busy on Friday. I was actually doing well, considering everyone asked me how I was. I tried not to lie and say good. So I just kept saying, “It is what it is.” Because…it is. There is nothing I can to to bring him back any sooner. And that has become a mantra for me. I’m trying not to turn this deployment into anything too dramatic. But when they let us go home from work an hour early because of snow, it hit me again hard. I didn’t want to be alone. Didn’t want to have nothing to do. After my hundredth call to my mom (who is being awfully patient with me) in two days, I knew I needed the tough love she was dishing: pick up the bootstraps. So I picked up PF Changs and went straight to my friend Shelly’s house to watch Backyardigans with her and her girls. It was a good night.  I’ve spent a lot of time with her and her girls, and it wasn’t a big deal to not have the guys there. Life felt normal again for those couple hours, even when she taught her 2 year old to say “Daddy is in Iraq.”  That is our new normal. Their deployment to Iraq and our life on the home front.
When I got home I had a beautiful bouquet of orchids waiting at my doorstep, sent by my sister and her husband to cheer me up. And they really did. They are stunning. And it felt so good to know someone was thinking about me.
As I sat on the couch watching 30 Rock late into the night, my computer starting ringing at me. “Andrew Wilhelm Calling…” !!!!!! Within seconds I answered the call and saw my husband in a video chat. I cried tears of joy this time. He looks the same as he did two days ago (same clothes and everything). But this time he was in Germany, waiting in the airport for his flight to Kuwait. He got to sit in first class on his planes. They fed him well enough too. They would be in country within a few hours. My husband is deployed, but he hasn’t changed a bit. Yet anyway. He was smiley and happy to see me too. I love that man so much. We hung up when he had to get on the next plane.

Last night it snowed like crazy, even though it was 70 degrees the day before. So this morning when I took Lily out, she frolicked in the snow like crazy! She loves to poke her nose around in the snow and chase me. When she runs with me, she runs with her head turned sideways and always knocks into my legs. She is adorable…except for when she bites the bottom of my pants and my ankles.

I brought the pup back in, cleaned off her wet paws, and started to feel a little sad again. So I got in the shower. I was thinking about Andrew- wondering if he’d landed and not 5 minutes in I hear my phone. It was Andy! He is in Kuwait! He is safe! He had Taco Bell for dinner! He saw camels! So far so good! He had to hang up pretty quickly, because there was already a line for the phones and it was after 10PM. That call made my day. For more info on what he is up to, follow his blog.

So here I am Saturday. Watching a Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family, starting a blog and taking it one day at a time.


  1. More Lily photos!

  2. More Allie photos!

  3. I’m glad you weren’t mad at me for the “stern talk”. I know that you knew my heart was breaking, too. I’m so proud of you both – hang in there.


  1. […] I started my blog when my husband left for his first deployment in March 2010. My first post was: it is what it is & one day at a time. Answers to Emily’s Questions:  1. What is the most money you spent on something silly? […]

  2. […] after our “real” wedding, Andy deployed to Iraq for a year (which was when and why I started this blog). We spent three years in Fort Carson, CO and just moved to Fort Benning, GA. We have two pups: […]

  3. […] resilient is being able to weather tribulation without cracking. Day one of this deployment: I was not very resilient. At all. Ask my mom, mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Hot mess of inconsolable […]

  4. […] weeks. The length of a pregnancy. I know just how long that is. I’ve done this (and more) before, but not with babies. Worrying about them makes it more difficult. So much will happen between now […]

Leave a Comment